The Black Von Scrolls

What are the chances I’d see both films in 24 hours by mistake? Watched Valentino: The Last Emperor at a friend’s apartment in Paris and then September Issue on a plane ride back to New York.

For the record: I’m not a real fashionista but I sometimes follow Cathy Horn’s reviews, because creatively it’s good to know what designers are producing. I’m interested in design, period. I also like a good behind-the-scenes film about an industry which I touched on a lot while working in commercial and fashion photography for 12 years.

So out of curiosity and the fact my friend had it playing on her TV, we watched “Valentino”. It was like one, long, self-congratulatory cliché. I learned almost nothing of Valentino’s genius or craft, but I do know he has five pugs which follow him everywhere. He’s also prone to diva fits (how odd) and lives a luxurious lifestyle (double whudda-thunk). We get a glimpse of a glamorous house party where Gwenny slides out of her chauffeured car and attends his Fête. But that was all he wrote. Matt Tyrnauer, the director, blows air kisses and applause to Valentino without ever educating the viewer on what makes him tick and why he is our “Last Emperor”. The most Valentino says to the camera is, “I like beauty. I like beautiful things. I see beauty.” Nothing gets under my skin more than a designer talking about beauty, because really. The consumer or observer has gotten to that obvious place on their own. Yes, your couture dresses are beautiful… AND?

There is a scene in the film where Karl Lagerfeld attends Valentino’s retrospective and pulls him to the side and we hear him whisper “You and I are the only ones who make couture. The rest make rags.” OK, well it was a deliciously bitchy statement and intelligent PR on behalf of Lagerfeld, but just reinforces Tyrnauer’s “Valentino is SIMPLY AMAZING” with out peeling the layers of the onion.

At the start of September Issue I was already rolling my eyes. It opens with Anna Wintour explaining the reason “people” (when she spoke about people it was all hand wavy, like “those people”, “those aliens”) misunderstand fashion is because they are threatened by it, because it’s cool. Actually no. I bet you’d find “those people” probably desire it. However, their body shape may not fit into the clothes or they can’t afford the prices (fakes highlighted in Us Weekly display $300 knock-offs instead of $3,000 originals - in comparison I suppose it looks cheap, but most folks will even pass on spending $300 for the fake). Vogue is not sold exclusively to the affluent. A subscription can cost as little as $12 per year, and it’s a peek (for the rest of us) at what we might desire but can’t have. It shows us a magical world and lifts us into that fantasy. It’s escapism, like a movie. We like fashion, Anna, but most of us ascertain there are other priorities in life, and wearing real fashion is a luxury. And pain. Fashion is pain…

But besides getting off to a questionable start, September Issue was a far superior documentary. The director R.J. Cutler takes us into the Condé Nast offices and chases employees through the halls with purpose. It shows the structure of how the magazine is produced, who’s producing it and their motives behind the decisions they make. I was most intrigued by following Grace Coddington and watching her work. She is a master creative director, as clever as Anna but definitely the yin to Anna’s yang. We look at a collection of 1920’s photographs which are used for inspiration for her next shoot and spend time with her on the rack, picking out samples and discussing their weight or potential for the next spread. There was meat, there was drama, there was a sense of hustle. That’s the fashion world in New York, it’s non-stop.

Most people working under Anna Wintour don’t purposely disappoint her. But apparently photographer Mario Testino didn’t much care when used his best instinct over Wintour’s request while photographing Sienna Miller. He left out a key shot Wintour was expecting to see. She was clearly pissed off she didn’t get the image, and Mario was like, “Oh yes, that. It didn’t work.” SNAP. Don’t mess with Testino, sister. Impressive and a bit inspiring. September Issue functioned as an entertaining and educational documentary, and left me wanting to be a fly on the wall for a day at Condé Nast.

In light of Alexander McQueen’s death (which gave me a long pause as I absorbed the news in London, where he lived), I’d like to pay respect to a real visionary. His 2010 spring collection was Avatar-amazing, complete work of fantasy:

I mean, I would love to wear that, er, as a shirt with black trousers and some flats. McQueen was a master at his craft, gifted and brilliant. His imagination and work will be sorely missed. Hardly rags Mr. Lagerfeld, hardly rags.